Losing a baby to stillbirth is devastating. In the UK, around eight babies are stillborn every day, often unexpectedly. This tragic loss leaves parents shocked, grieving, and wondering what happens next. This guide covers some of the practical and emotional steps following a stillbirth and offers advice on coping during this immensely difficult time.
Registering the Birth
Legally, parents must register a stillborn baby’s birth within 42 days in England and Wales, one year in Northern Ireland, and 21 days in Scotland. The hospital will issue a medical certificate stating the baby was stillborn, which must be taken to the registry office to register the birth and receive a certificate. Some find comfort in naming and officially registering their baby. Others may wish to wait before deciding on a name. There is no right or wrong – do what feels best for you.
Seeing and Holding Your Baby
After a stillbirth, parents face the agonising decision of whether to see and hold their deceased baby. There is no obligation to do so. Many find it helps with grieving and making memories, while for others, it may seem too traumatic. Talk it through with your partner and hospital staff, who can prepare the baby sensitively for you to spend time together. Create memories like handprints, locks of hair, or photographs. The hospital may offer bereavement suites where you can stay with your baby for hours or days.
Funeral Arrangements
Parents can choose whether to have a burial or cremation, individual service or shared, religious or secular. Talk to your hospital, registered funeral director, or support charity about options. Some situations, like miscarriage or termination for medical reasons, have different requirements – always seek guidance. Many find a personal funeral, and rituals like readings, music, and symbolism help grieving. You may wish to involve family or have a private service. There is no right way – do what feels meaningful for your baby and situation.
Postmortem Examinations
A postmortem examination can determine the cause of stillbirth. This is entirely your decision – you will not face pressure either way. Talk through the options with healthcare staff. An autopsy might help you understand why your baby died and the implications for future pregnancies. Some parents find answers comforting, while for others, it prolongs the grieving process. Ensure you receive good counselling about the advantages, disadvantages and procedure before consenting.
If you have concerns about mistakes or poor medical care during pregnancy or labour, discussing this with a medical negligence lawyer like www.paduffy-solicitors.com may help determine if you have grounds to make a claim. They can investigate potential errors by obtaining and examining medical records to establish whether acceptable standards were met.
Returning Home
Leaving hospital without your baby in your arms is agonising. The grief and exhaustion you feel will be crushing. Lean on loved ones for practical and emotional support. Accept offers of help with cooking, cleaning, and childcare. Don’t pressure yourself to get back to “normal” – make space to grieve. Be kind to yourself and take things one step at a time. Speak to your GP if grief affects daily functioning. Many experience difficulties like insomnia, anxiety, guilt or traumatic flashbacks – support and therapy can help. When you are ready, connecting with other bereaved parents through charities, support groups or online forums may aid healing.
Though the grief of stillbirth never fades, the ache becomes easier to bear in time. Be kind and patient with yourself through the grieving process. Cherish your baby’s memory. And know there is hope of brighter days ahead.