Parents of drug dependents suffer the trauma of the worst kind, especially when the patient has entered a quarantined Rehabilitation Program and is on the path to hopeful recovery. The family members of drug abusers exhibit common symptoms such as shock, social isolation arising out of the addiction-related societal stigma, victimization such as being treated as social outcasts, and shame associated with the drug addiction issue being a taboo one in our country, hopelessness and grief.
The degree of trauma on parents and siblings varies from case to case. Parents or siblings who find their child or brother or sister collapsed in the bed nearly dead from an overdose of any drug, who experienced a surge of Adrenalin to handle the emergency, are most likely to have never processed the crisis and may have frequent haunting episodes of recollection and consequent nightmares. There is a psychological injury that results from protracted exposure to prolonged interpersonal trauma with a “loss of feeling in control”, “disempowerment” or “feeling trapped,” which parents or siblings suffer, knowing they are responsible for keeping the drug-dependent from grave danger.
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Understanding the matter better
Today we are seeing a very high percentage of first-generation drug abusers and the devastation to normal parents when their children turn to drug addiction is incomprehensible. Once the patient is admitted into a Rehabilitation Facility, immediate trauma and stress is induced for affected parents and siblings. Some form of relief from the trauma and stress symptoms is the most immediate need of family members. When society behaves insensitively by making or giving out the vibes like “look at your enabling behavior”, these affected families are rightly offended and further traumatized by the lack of empathy for their current state of grief.
The emotional toll is therefore very high on affected families. The most painful thing that parents have to deal with is integrating drug abuse patients back into society. Parents are sometimes even made to feel guilty for openly seeking medical, psychiatric and psychological help for their adult children who are caught in the grip of addiction. Coming from an affected family myself, I suggest that such parents be counseled not to feel guilty for seeking help and not brushing the issue under the carpet by playing ostrich. If we see a stranger standing out on the ledge of a 14-story building about to jump off, wouldn’t we at least call an emergency and try to save a life?
If we would do that for a stranger, why not for your own son or daughter who sadly is standing on the proverbial window ledge and whose life is in great danger from any kind of drug abuse? We need to realize that precious lives are at stake. Society must play a role in having a positive approach to dealing with affected families by at least empathizing, being compassionate and most importantly, not treating drug abuse as a taboo topic. Without fail, along the way, the family members suffer severe abuse from the addicted patient too. This abuse comes in several forms: Overt, Covert, Structured and Impulsive. Overt abuse is clear-cut and easily recognizable and thereby easy to describe.
Furthermore, it is essential to acknowledge the significance of seeking appropriate treatment for drug addiction. In cases where individuals require assistance in overcoming substance abuse, treatment with Suboxone, a medication that helps manage withdrawal symptoms and cravings, can be a valuable option. Consulting medical professionals experienced in addiction treatment, such as doctors at specialized clinics, can guide the recovery process. Combining compassionate support from families, accessible resources, and evidence-based approaches can foster a more encouraging and supportive environment for individuals struggling with addiction and their affected families.
Cursing, name-calling, fighting and verbal threats are overt and obvious
If a beloved son or daughter is standing in the kitchen threatening parents with a knife, it is obviously abuse and is easily describable to others. If a young drug abuse patient is throwing things or kicking at doors, one has evident visible damage. If one has bruises, and broken lamps, the family is dealing with overt and tangible abuse. On the other hand, covert abuse by an addict revolves around the abuser’s need to assert and maintain control over his/her parents or brothers and sisters. Covert abuse may not be visible to others such as to the non-custodial relatives in extended families or with family friends who continue to see the drug abuser as charming.
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They will say, “Oh, you are making a big deal out of nothing.” Or, “They will grow out of it, quit nagging them.” Covert abuse is emotional and manipulative. It takes advantage of trust and costs parents their self-esteem and confidence. Covert abuse is made all the more painful because others do not see the emotional damage – they only see a seemingly “crazy person” who is dealing with the aftermath or symptoms of addiction. Sometimes addicts manifest what is known as a patterned or structured abuse.
That is someone who abuses everyone around them, not just parents but other relatives, friends and authority figures. The abuse is predictable and everyone gets a fair share. Some addicts are more unpredictable and impulsive with their abuse. They are nice at times and sometimes they strike “out of the blue” in a flurry of chaos. One never knows when the rage fit will hit.
Drugs of all kinds including pharmaceutical ones and alcohol have unfortunately taken a foothold amongst our younger generation on an epidemic scale. Validating the stress that the families endure would be a first step in the right direction for people around affected families. Helping the family to recognize their traumatic and stress disorder characteristics, helping them to heal and finally, helping the unfortunate and wayward addict to realize and show empathy for how the trauma has impacted those who love them should be the main focus of all stakeholders including doctors, rehabilitation center counselors. Help these brave but highly traumatized families in fighting a long-drawn battle against drugs.
The writer is an ex-banker and a freelance columnist. She can be reached at tbjs.cancer.1954@gmail.com. The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of Global Village Space.