Huma Zafar |
The word FAT always has a caloric connotation to it but perhaps for this blog I wish to use it more generally, more positively and more constructively.
My name is Huma Zafar and I am a fat girl at heart. There I said it.
I didn’t say I am fat. I said I am a fat girl at heart. What does that mean exactly? Do I have layers of fat surrounding my heart, clogging up my arteries, pushing me towards a heart attack? Not really. Does it mean that I am likely to consume more carbohydrates than I am protein? I prefer good fats over bad fats? Nope. Nope. Nope.
That is an article for another day. I am a fitness fanatic so will write about that a lot also but for now why am I fat girl at heart?
I lived in and around Atlanta in my most impressionable years, where I was in undergraduate and graduate school. I was often told there by my friends that I have a fat girl’s heart. Too shy to ask what they meant, I assumed they meant, “You’ve lost so much weight but could still lose the last 15” or they meant, “Wow you are an indulger.” So for many years I asked myself if I would always be a fat girl or looked upon as a fat person..what was it?
It was none of that.
Read more: Ted Talk: Enough with the Fear of Fat
These were my insecurities talking out loud. All of us have had self image issues until we grow up and realize that our focus should be elsewhere. What I learned about myself was the “fat” heart was a term used to describe my kind heart. Perhaps, someone somewhere decided that fat people are kinder than skinny people? I’m not sure what the origins of this are and personally find this theory senseless, but what I did understand was when I feed my soul with compassion, the fatter my heart becomes. The kinder I am to people, the fatter my heart becomes. Perhaps it is the depth with which I relate to people, or my emotional intelligence that has matured over the course of the years, or the wisdom that life’s struggles has taught me, but I’ve learned to stand up for those who are unable to do so. I learnt that through my “fat” times. Those were times I was bullied, made fun of, disrespected and made felt that I wasn’t good enough. Somewhere in my subconscious I realized, at a very young age, how wrong it is to make fun of another human being. How wrong it is to hurt another individual and on what? The size of her thighs? The color of her skin? The fluctuations in her weight? Just wrong. Plain wrong.
A fat-girl heart is one that answers your phone in the middle of the night when you have no one to speak to. A fat-girl heart is the one who hugs you when you’re in pain. A fat girl heart is the one that is always there for you, is your strength, is your friend
Have we become such shallow a society, or so small-minded, that our conversations now revolve around, “Oh dear, did you see her wear that designer lawn shirt. Tobah she looked SOOOO fat in it. I mean what will others think.” And then you hear the men…”Oh moti ..oh moti” .
Let that sink in. This is our intellect.
It truly is a shame, when other’s are judged on their weight. If you must judge, judge yourself. Have you hurt another individual’s heart today? Have you run as hard as that boy did, who is struggling to lose weight, and shows up every day at the gym to do so? Have you been blessed with good genes and a great metabolism and perhaps he or she has been blessed with a “fat-girl heart” ?
A fat girl (or boy) heart is a heart that is full of compassion and kindness for others. A fat-girl heart is one that answers your phone in the middle of the night when you have no one to speak to. A fat-girl heart is the one who hugs you when you’re in pain. A fat girl heart is the one that is always there for you, is your strength, is your friend, is the one who sits and prays for you…someone who you know is there.
A fat girl heart is at times the one you leave for a “skinny dolled up girl” or the “rich stud”..a fat girl heart is one that cries quietly at night and absorbs that pain.
A fat-girl heart is a one of a kind soul, that you must cherish and not let go.
When a heart is full of compassion and kindness, there is no greater beauty than that. A fat girl heart knows his or her vulnerabilities, insecurities, demons, strengths and weaknesses. A fat girl heart will always put your heart ahead of theirs.
They make the best kind of friends.
But often…
A fat-girl heart is the one you take for granted.
I hope you find your own “fat-girl-heart” friend and experience the beauty of their unconditional love.
I am blessed with many fat-girl-hearts in my life and when I look back over the course of the years, I hope and pray that my heart gets fatter and my body gets fitter (wink wink).
To all the fat hearts out there- I hope you feed your soul with so much compassion and kindness that your heart gets fatter and fatter.
This article is reproduced with author’s permission. The original article appeared on Hello Pakistan Mag.
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect Global Village Space’s editorial policy.